Best. Toothpaste. Ever.*

So right out of the gate, I have to admit that I’m not necessarily agreeing with the title of this post, but I felt compelled to share this bizarre experience.

I’m on the road (boooo) for the first time in 6 weeks, and so I needed to pick up some toiletries that I couldn’t put in my carry-on baggage in case I made a strange hair gel/toothpaste/cologne bomb. I wandered into the local CVS, and a toothpaste caught my eye at the end of the first aisle. “Ooooh”, I thought (yes, I am easily impressed), “Crest Pro-Health Night”. Before I had chance to further examine this new toothpaste, a customer in the store tapped me on my shoulder and said, “That is the best toothpaste ever. I’m not kidding, it’s amazing”. I don’t know if I actually said anything to him, as my mind was too weirded out by the comment. Has anyone ever heard those words before, “…best toothpaste ever”? Who gets so excited about toothpaste to decide that one of them is the “best ever”, and not only that, but feels compelled to tell a stranger in a store?

So, I bought the toothpaste, and later in the evening arrived back at my hotel. I took the toothpaste out of the bag, and had a closer look. Obviously the “best ever” thing was still going through my mind, but I was also intrigued as to what made this Crest Pro-Health Night as opposed to Day. Well, the box had a ‘night’ look to it, being dark blue, and it had a little moon on it too. It promised that I would “wake up with a cleaner mouth in the morning*”, but it also made me wonder whether I was actually allowed to use it in the morning. Was it a night-time only toothpaste? Would my teeth be glowing like night-lights? Reading further down on the box, it re-assured me that it was “effective day or night”. So, it’s just regular toothpaste with a moon on the box? “No,” said the box, in it’s best James Mason voice, “the flavour is actually ‘clean night mint’, that makes it more nighty. Yes.”. I ignored such ridiculous logic, and thought I’d put it to the test.

Nothing different about the brushing, and I can’t say that my mouth felt much cleaner in the morning*, but maybe that’s just me. There was something that drove the odd man in CVS to go out of his way to tell me that this was the “best toothpaste ever”, so I thought I may as well pass his enthusiasm onto you. Rush out now to CVS, buy some, and let me know. I’m going to stick with it, and if something should change, I’ll report back.

*vs. standard anticavity toothpaste


~ by eddie on October 16, 2007.

19 Responses to “Best. Toothpaste. Ever.*”

  1. Personally, I like either the Aquafresh stuff that fizzes in your mouth or anything made by Tom’s Natural (because I am a damned dirty hippie).

  2. But at least you’re not saying that they’re the “best ever” – you are still sane. Well, you know, as sane as you’ve ever been. Which isn’t particularly sane. Hmmmm.

  3. I need to ask though, have you actually been into a darkened room since your “best ever” test.

    My feeling is that you may very well have a glow-in-the-dark radioactive appeal, and therefore found the best ever toothpaste….if you have a power cut or need to direct sizeable tankers away from the rocks.

    Instead of being weirded out, and shifting slightly uncomfortably to a different section of the store where you were confident he wouldn’t follow, humming to yourself to block out his requests for your return, I think you should have heard him out. It was probably just the start of a detailed scientific explanation.

    There is a moral in there somewhere.

    Oh, and that fizzy stuff sounds great, how can I get my hands on some of that baby……..its a party in your mouth!

  4. There are no darkened rooms anymore – when I smile, it’s like I have my own Light of Earendil (yaaay, geek reference). Does this make it the best ever though? Are radioactive teeth something to be proud of?
    I think they have the fizzy toothpaste in a country called…oh, what is it? America. That’s right. America – the country you’re moving to soon, right?

  5. Well you see, my point exactly….its the best toothpaste ever if you want to turn yourself into a working replica of Portland Bill.

    However, I do think you should spend more time with the visionary folk you meet, one of them may well have the answer to all of lifes mysteries….and if they don’t feel free to tell them its 42, it may help them through their day.

    And how did you know it was me, was it the less than imaginative film name reference or the lack of knowledge of fizzy toothpaste?

  6. You don’t have aquafresh across the pond??? I find that hard to believe. Heathens.

  7. Spacedust, good….dog poop, not so good….to be honest I’m all about the stripes, its all about bringing colour to your brushing.

  8. Who the crap doesn’t LOVE poprocks??? Um, best toothpaste EVER is clearly one that reminds you of poprocks. You are all toothpaste idiots.

  9. Stripes and poprocks aside, what struck me by this post was the reference to the guy that tapped you on the shoulder and commented on the toothpaste. I am that type of person. I love it! Some people are startled when I say, “Oh, that is awesome! You should by it!” It seems they are fearful of me and think I am invading their space. Free consumer reporting, hello! Ah, if only people did this more, shopping for things like toothpaste could be so much fun!

  10. I really have nothing against the shoulder tap, in fact, I’m like you, carebarestare, I’ll tell strangers what I think. But it’s toothpaste. How can toothpaste be this exciting? Unless you’re like A’Hottie and enjoy the poprocks effect, but that really has nothing to do with dental hygiene. At least, not improving it anyway.

  11. Are you making inappropriate references to the party in my mouth? Um, I think *I* just made that an inappropriate reference . . .

  12. Excellent review of fluoride free and natural toothpast at

  13. Oh dear. People really are reviewing toothpaste. And A’Hottie, it looks like your new favourite, Tom’s, is getting some rave reviews. Maybe you should write a review and ‘help the cause’.

  14. Tom’s is sooooo good. Though I think the spearmint left a more fresh feeling than the cinnamon/clove. But the c/c is sooooo delicious. Mmm, maybe I will go brush my teeth again . . .

  15. I noticed that Tom’s has a ginger toothpaste too – now that is just wrong. Which of course means that AH will love it. Cos she’s a freeeak.

  16. Ginger??? That sounds divine!

  17. You are so very odd.

  18. Lovably odd.

  19. Well, lovably odd of course. And adorably odd too. Many variations of odd.

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