The Mouse Remark

I’m sure you will be thrilled to know that I managed to escape Orlando (without the assistance of my rescue squad), and I’m slowly degrumpifying, and returning to my usual state of merriment and frivolity.

But let’s talk Orlando for a while. I do hate Orlando. This was my third visit to the state of Florida, and every time I’ve found myself going to Orlando. Never really my choice; the first time we visited friends who were living there, and the next two times were work trips. I’m sure Florida has more to offer than Orlando, but maybe it’s an accurate snapshot. Lots of old people, lots of tourists, and lots of English people. And I really do hate the English people.

But, it’s never going to epitomize all things Floridian because of that mouse and the naked duck. Mickey and Donald rule Orlando, and they seem to rule it with an iron fist. They attract hundreds of thousands of those small, annoying, high pitched little critters… what are they called??? Oh, right – children. I’m not a fan of this particular species, and yes, I know if we’re talking all things Darwinian, I used to be one too, but that doesn’t help me to suppress my disdain for them. So, there’s the children aspect. Then there’s something different that comes from this Disneytopian Regime – Orlandonians. OK, I may have made that word up. I definitely made up ‘Disneytopian’.

This led to “The Mouse Remark”. I was having lunch at the B-Line Diner in the Peabody Hotel (a hotel which needs its own blog posting – weird), and sat at the counter between two strangers. Stranger #1 was from California and was attending the convention I was working at. Stranger #2 was (I am assuming) an Orlandonian. I was politely chatting with stranger #1 about all things cardiology (yes, lunch conversations with me are quite stimulating). Conversation then turned to Mickey Mouse… um, not sure how, it may have been an Izzard moment. Being in the grumpy mood that I was in, I wasn’t very complimentary about Mr. Mouse or his friends, nothing too mean, just really lamenting the fact that I was stuck in a city where I might be accosted by a 6-foot mouse. Out of nowhere, stranger #2 attacked me – not in the physical sense of the word, thankfully, but verbally I took a punch to the face.

Stranger #2: “That’s the problem with you fucking convention types – it’s all about you, you don’t give a damn that Disney World is what keeps Orlando alive, not these damn conventions. You wouldn’t even be in Orlando if it wasn’t for Mickey Mouse. Ass-holes.”

Eddie: “Um… ”

Stranger #1: “Huh?”

Stranger #2 then slammed his money on the counter and walked out. I discussed the outburst briefly with stranger #1 before I left, and decided that we may have just insulted someone who spends a little too much time inside a 6-foot mouse costume.

Yep, I still hate Orlando.


~ by eddie on November 6, 2007.

3 Responses to “The Mouse Remark”

  1. So this one time, I went to Disneyworld for the NFL convention. And whilst in line for the Peter Pan ride, some horrid little beast kept headbutting my ass, and his mom did nothing to stop him. So I grabbed the little twerp’s head and put the fear of god into him. Man, that really made my day.

    I also ate at every single land in Epcot Center. Yep, every single one. I used to be able to eat a lot in high school and remain a twig. Oh boy was I full.

    Thus concludes my thoughts on Orlando.

  2. While it’s true that Disney supports the economy of Orlando, that doesn’t mean they aren’t an evil corporation destroying wetlands and perpetrating other social ills. Anyway you’ll be pleased to learn that Florida really does offer just about what you’ve seen– just humidity, retirement communities, excellent property protection laws, and hurricane brushes. Yup, that and swamps.

  3. I have family in FL. Don’t go there much but every time I go I am asked “so, um, you don’t want to go to Disney, do you??” I think they are as happy as I am when i say “uuuuuum. no.” No, they don’t live in Orlando so i guess i can forgive them just a little bit… but those kids.. ugh… i’m with you there.

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