The Hidden Evil

OK, it’s time. I’ve been holding off on this subject since I started the blog, as I really didn’t want to get too deep, too early on, and scare people away. Testing the waters with religion and scruffy rock stars didn’t prove too popular with you all, but still, there are certain subjects that simply have to be tackled, and if it offends anyone, then so be it. So, here we go, we must talk about:

Socks.

Wait, wait, before you get too offended and go running off to cnn.com, please be open-minded enough to at least hear me out. Now I know what the pro-sock brigade are going to start saying, that they’re just little cotton dudes meant to keep your feet warm, providing that foot-to-shoe boundary, blah, blah, blah. Well, all of this is true, but I’m telling you right now, it’s all just a smoke-screen. Socks. Are. Evil. They’re planning some sort of world domination, they have special powers, and they’ve already fooled most of you pro-sockers. Let’s take a look at the facts:

They always move around in pairs, and they’ve altered your mind to force you to keep them in pairs too. The panic when you come across a single sock, you must find the matching one, then you fold them together, playing right into their hands.

As soon as one of the socks receives its orders, it escapes through the secret panel in the washing machine, and heads off to take part in the master plan. And you all just think that you must have ‘misplaced’ the sock, weak-minded fools. Snap out of it. Wake up and smell the sock roses.

And then there’s the magical powers of the sock. Don’t laugh, I’m deadly serious. Let me offer you a an example to prove this point. And you can try this one out at home too. No matter how full a suitcase or bag gets, you can always put one more sock in there. Always. Why is this? It’s because socks possess these magical powers and can reduce their body mass to zero, just so they can escape to other cities and countries. And we are constantly assisting them with this master plan.

So it’s time people, time to say “No” to socks. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear socks, I’d rather be taken over by a world of evil socks than have to put up with all of those stinky feet, but you can take certain steps to help mankind.

1) Always lock socks up in a bag when you wash them – I have yet to see evidence that they can get out of these bags, so it removes one of their escape routes.

2) Keep each sock of a pair in separate drawers – they draw their power from their evil twin, and in separate drawers they will remain fairly harmless.

3) Be very careful when packing your suitcase – stray socks will try to get in there, and we MUST avoid spreading them around the world.

4) Never throw away socks when they develop holes – these should be used as examples of what can happen to socks should they step out of line.

5) If you have a dog, make sure it always has a sock to play with and destroy – socks are deathly afraid of dogs, and this should act as an excellent deterrent (if you don’t have a dog, go out and get a dog. They are awesome).

If you follow these steps, we may be able to stop the sock world domination plans. Act now.

Advertisements

~ by eddie on November 12, 2007.

6 Responses to “The Hidden Evil”

  1. LOL – Brilliant!!

  2. Socks are the worst. That is why I wear slippers everywhere instead of shoes with socks. Sure my feet smell a little tiny bit (read: really really bad) – but at least I am keeping socks in line. And seriously, I have purchased like a billion pair of socks and somehow I only have 3. Not 3 pairs, 3 socks. I hate them.

  3. You see, A’Hottie alone has released 1,999,999,997 evil socks to take part in this master plan. Control the socks, people… The destiny of the world is in your hands. Or feet.

  4. what about burning fuzzies on your socks. can’t we use that to scare the cotton out of the socks, and keep them in line?

  5. Um, Freak Show, I have no idea what that even means. You must remember that being a transplanted Brit, I have no idea about anything American, like twinkies, poprocks and burning fuzzies. Someone enlighten me please…

  6. Aaaah, so it’s really burning fuzzies off the socks. I thought we had to burn something onto the socks. Very confusing. Also confusing was the mention of “fuzz on my sucks”, but thankfully in England we also have typos, and I make lots of those too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: