There’s Never A Bad Time For Coffee?

I have a disease. I discovered that I had this disease less than an hour ago, so it’s still sinking in. How did I catch the disease? I really don’t know, but it was definitely on a plane – they are disease traps. And it wasn’t until I was emptying out my computer bag this evening, that I even knew I had symptoms. But as soon as I pulled out the Sky Mall catalogue, it dawned on me. Not only am I reading Sky Mall on a plane, but I’m subconsciously putting the catalogue in my computer bag to read at a later date. I am a sick Eddie.

But this disease has led me to solving the problem of quiet blogging days. Yes, I’m going to share my disease with my fellow bloggers on days such as these, when nothing fun has really happened, or days when the sock world domination plans seem to be quiet. Sky Mall, you see, is an incredibly funny catalogue, with products designed by people who are either stupid, high, or live in some strange surreal universe where idiotic things are really cool. I spend hours laughing out loud on planes when reading Sky Mall (yes, that was me you heard), and often feel the need to point out products to the stranger sitting next to me. Now it’s time to point out these products to you, and I will continue to do so during these quiet times as we make our way to the joy that is Present Day. So, as I have the latest Holiday 2007 Catalogue in front of me, let us begin…

The insanity starts early in this issue, on page 6, with a full pager for the “TimeMug”. My initial hope here was that they had finally designed a time-traveling mug, although I quickly realized this was a stupid idea, as all you would be doing is sending a cup of coffee to someone in the future or past, and then you’ve also lost your mug. Thankfully though, TimeMug is even more useless and more literal than my first guess. It is in fact “The World’s First And Only 100% Dishwasher Safe, Time-Telling Drinkware”. Not a difficult claim to make I guess.

“What are the benefits of the TimeMug, Eddie?”, I hear you ask. Well, apparently, thanks to TimeMug you can:

– “Keep track of the time when at home, at the office or on the go,” (because looking at your wristwatch is just so time-consuming)

– “Have a clever alternative to glancing at your watch during meetings,” (because I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve sat in a meeting and thought to myself, “if only there was a clever alternative to having to glance at my watch, or that big clock on the wall”), and

– “Help save the environment from disposable coffee cups” (because obviously my work mug that reads ‘I Am Freaking Awesome’ just isn’t doing a good enough job to prevent global warming).

I now know what you’re thinking: “this all sounds great, Eddie, but I bet they don’t have it in my favourite colour”. Stop. They do – in fact, in 16 different colours. “But what about my rhinestone timepiece infatuation that I have?” Well, they’ve even thought of that – the timepiece comes in ‘original’, or ‘dazzling rhinestone’. And what are you going to pay for this piece of life-saving ingenuity? A mere $24.95 ($29.95 for you rhinestone aficionados). That’s right kids, Christmas is alive and well now that we have the TimeMug.

timemug.gif

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~ by eddie on November 14, 2007.

9 Responses to “There’s Never A Bad Time For Coffee?”

  1. Coffee puts the system under the strain of metabolizing a deadly acid-forming drug, depositing its insoluble cellulose, which cements the wall of the liver, causing this vital organ to swell to twice its proper size. In addition, coffee is heavily sprayed. (Ninety-two pesticides are applied to its leaves.) Diuretic properties of caffeine cause potassium and other minerals to be flushed from the body.

    All this fear went away when I quit, and it was a book that inspired me to do it called The Truth About Caffeine by Marina Kushner. There are five things I liked about this book:

    1) It details–thoroughly–the ways in which caffeine may damage your health.

    2) It reveals the damage that coffee does to the environment. Specifically, coffee was once grown in the shade, so that trees were left in place. Then sun coffee was introduced, allowing greater yields but contributing to the destruction of rain forests. I haven’t seen this mentioned anywhere else.

    3) It explains how best to go off coffee. This is important. If you try cold turkey, as most people probably do, the withdrawal symptoms will likely drive you right back to coffee.

    4) Helped me find a great resource for the latest studies at CaffeineAwareness.org

    5) Also, if you drink decaf you won’t want to miss this special free report on the dangers of decaf available at http://www.soyfee.com

  2. Wow, Sheila, you really don’t like coffee, huh? Um. So does this mean that you’re not going to be buying a TimeMug? You could put lots of other things in there, hot or cold. Or maybe clocks increase the liver size even further?

    Well, if I know my audience well, and I think I do, you are attempting to tackle the pro-coffee brigade, and it’s first thing in the morning, so we haven’t had our coffee yet…

    You do make coffee sound worse than alcohol, crack and CO2 combined. Did it also lead to all the major wars in the world? I think Sheila may be a sock, attempting to avert our attention away from a major sock attack. Keep alert people – drink more coffee.

  3. Wow, I had better not tell Sheila how badly I want a “Hot Diggity Dogger” (also available from SkyMall!). I am guessing hot dogs are worse for you than coffee. And crack. But there isn’t a trendy, metallic, rhinestone-encrusted crack dispenser in the catalogue – well, at least not yet.

    Viva la caffeine!!! (jitter jitter jitter)

  4. Well, the car was your other gift, but now that you’ve ruined the surprise, you’re not getting it. Yes, and you can have the Harry Potter wand that A’Hottie told me she didn’t want after I’d bought it for her. Where is the gratitude in this world? Where?

  5. Creepy how we both love the bug zapper and hate the HP wand. I still want a hot diggity dogger.

    Does Sky Mall sell dates with Ryan Adams?

  6. * smiles and hugs *

  7. Of course, and here I was thinking that you might have made it passed the A’s while studying your spells. Slacker.

  8. You know the lamest spells…

    *Levicorpus* Heheheee.

  9. Well, I guess. If you’re into summoning things… Must be real fun hanging out with you.

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