Show Some Yawning Respect

Excuse me – man with the poorly fitting jeans, and sweater that you obviously got for Christmas when you were 14, and what is that hat (are you a shepherd?) – could you please not yawn in my general vicinity next time you walk into my ‘office’? I don’t think that I’m asking too much from you – it’s rude and it’s mean. You walk into the coffee shop, you order a coffee, yawn, and walk away. And you leave your yawn in here. With me. Yes, the ‘me’ who wasn’t yawning when you walked in. And I know you weren’t aiming the yawn at me, you didn’t actually even look at me, but you must know how contagious yawns are.

So now I’m sitting here, yawning like an idiot, and other people are coming in and telling me to stop yawning. I try telling them that it was your fault, that you started it, but they don’t seem to care. They yawn at me and throw staring daggers into my chest. I didn’t start this yawn war, but I’m now infected, and I infect everyone who comes in here. And it’s your fault. Show some damn yawn respect. Yawn in private, when there’s nobody around – why is it so difficult?

Are there any trials being done on preventing the spread of yawns? It really is a huge pain in the arse, and I’m going to be yawning all day now. I’ve tried suppressing them, doing the closed-mouth thing, but I just end up looking like I’m chewing on a chipmunk. I do that a lot too.

I’ve also heard that reading about yawns can trigger the contagious effects. So, sorry if I’ve managed to that. I guess that would be me calling the kettle ‘black’. If I was a pot. Ah, the joy of English idioms to finish off a post.

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~ by eddie on November 20, 2007.

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