My First AA Meeting

Hello. My name is Eddie Awesome, and I am an Amazonaholic. I’d always thought that my Amazon use was under control, maybe two or three times a month, and I admit that there may have been the occasional binge weeks too. But all of my friends were doing it, and it didn’t seem like much of a problem. I have to face facts though, and recently my addiction has got out of hand.

I think the downward spiral began when I… when I… *sobs*… OK, I did it, I bought some Amazon Prime – it was a moment of weakness, it seemed like such an innocent couple of mouse clicks for such blissful joy, but where has my life gone now? In the last week or so, I’ve hit rock-bottom. I’m doing Prime on a daily basis, sometimes, sometimes two or three times a night. I’m surrounded by visions of DVD’s, guitars, rowing machines, slow cookers, food processors. It just doesn’t stop.

I need help, and so I’m going through the 12 steps as best I can:

Step 1. I admit I am powerless over Amazon Prime — that my life has become unmanageable: I think this post has demonstrated that I admit to this… and that feels a little better.

Step 2. Come to believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity: Um. Huh? Like, Barnes & Noble?

Step 3. Make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him…

Whoa. Excuse me? I need to turn my will and my life over? Um, well, you know Prime only cost me $79, and it has never asked for my life, so let’s not go crazy here AA. I actually think the rowing machine will do me good, and will save on gym membership, and the food processor is a KitchenAid – it’s sweeeeet. You know, I think I’m going to leave the group, just hang out with my friends and do some more Prime. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

Thanks for listening, I feel much better now. Um. Anyone want “Seinfeld – Season 6” DVD for Christmas? I managed to buy two somehow. That’s what happens if you’re doing Prime while polishing off a bottle of Chardonnay.

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~ by eddie on November 28, 2007.

8 Responses to “My First AA Meeting”

  1. See, these are reasons I could never do AA.
    1) I like the things I over-do (wine, shopping)
    2) I am not all about this turning myself over to a higher power business. Unless the higher power is Bacchus . . .

  2. You see, A’Hottie, those are two of the many reasons that you are my friend. What better ‘support’ group could I ask for than one that enjoys wine and shopping?

  3. Well, of course, I assumed you were already in the group. Although, you may need to go easy on the cheese while I’m shedding these lbs, the temptation may be too much for me.

  4. No, share lots and lots of cheese with Eddie. Pounds of it.

    When I was a child, I thought “lbs” was pronounced “labels” and I always confused my mom by telling her things like, “Apples are $1 a label”

  5. *Though, I knew that it stood for the unit “pound”.

  6. Um. Are you not supposed to be helping me with this little plan? OK, so I know we have a ‘yet to be agreed’ prize on the line, but still.

    Labels… Hahahaha – you were a dork when you were a child too. How cute.

  7. You are so right, and then combining Prime with 1-Click, now that is the ultimate rush.

  8. For those of you with Amazon Prime memberships, here is a useful website to search for Prime items:
    http://www.amazanian.com

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