Eddie And The Dishwasher

I have a bit of a history with the dishwasher. It affects my fragile little mind more than I often give it credit for, and hence it needs to be released into blogdom.

Imagine if you can, a tiny 8-year old Eddie, living in England – yep, the bad clothes and terrible haircut are all there. OK, that’s right, you’ve got me. Now, Little Eddie and his big brother had to wash and dry the dishes – we did this with the joy and excitement that you would expect from a couple of kids who just wanted to go out and play after dinner. But we did it, and by the time I was no longer referred to as ‘Little’ Eddie, I was pretty good at it. You see, in England, the dishwasher took a long time to become commonplace in the kitchen. In fact, they’re still only common in new houses and apartments. The reason behind this is that most houses had pretty small kitchens with no space to put such a contraption.

So you can imagine my joy when I went to see my Dad’s new house, and saw my first ever dishwasher – the machine to take away the job that I didn’t want to do. And this is where my first run-in arrived, and has proved to be an Achilles Heel ever since. Of course, I’m talking about the pre-wash. So, we have this magical machine that is going to wash and dry the dishes, but I need to clean them first? I know, I know, it’s more of a ‘good rinse’, but you know what? It doesn’t take that much longer to scrub some detergent on it before doing that ‘good rinse’ which gives you… oh yeah, a clean dish.

Somehow though, we have been sucked into using the dishwasher, so I’ll accept that for now, and I’m not even going to go into the fact that it somehow takes this machine longer to clean and dry dishes than it takes a person to do the same task. Well, obviously I did just touch on the fact by saying that I wasn’t going to. Hmmm. Anyway, the dishwasher has now started to mess with my mind through my daily use of the device, and most of this surrounds organization.

Now I’m not your typical OCD person – generally I’m hanging out with Captain Procrastination, so obsession and compulsion aren’t words that come into my life too often. But when it comes to the dishwasher? OK, so if we’re going to use this thing, let’s not have chaos rule the day. We have a top sliding shelf – this should only be for glasses and mugs and similar drinking receptacles. Exceptions to this rule – anything that tells you to put it on the top shelf in the instructions; I’m not questioning why they tell me to, but I’m happy to follow the rules. Also, long knives and other long utensils that can fit snugly in that strange middle landing strip of the dishwasher. Bowls are not an exception to the rule – they don’t belong up there, and all they do is cause trouble – keep, them on the bottom where they can be kept out of mischief. So we have our glasses and mugs on the top shelf, but we still need order – keep the mugs together, the tall glasses together, the short glasses together – they actually prefer it that way. Ask them, they’ll tell you . . .

Bottom shelf – well, we’re left with the plates (of course in their big and small groupings), bowls in the back and corners out of trouble, and the cutlery in that little plastic container. And the pans? I don’t think they belong in this dishwasher party zone. Nope. It’s like taking your grandparents out to some wild party. It’s just plain wrong. Pots and pans you should do the old-fashioned way – it keeps us in practice for the day when we all finally realize how stupid the dishwasher is, when we get fed up of the soap stains on everything, and the fact that nobody ever wants to empty the dishwasher so your kitchen starts to resemble a war zone of dirty dishes.

Other than that, I really don’t have too much of an issue with dishwashers . . .

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~ by eddie on January 20, 2008.

6 Responses to “Eddie And The Dishwasher”

  1. Um, Ellen had some crazy lady on her show who poached salmon in her dishwasher last week. One would think if you had a dishwasher you would also have an oven but that is neither here nor there.
    And my wine glasses love being in the dishwasher. My champagne is always tasty. Maybe because I use freakish hippie organic dishwasher detergent? I also got hippie mouthwash today and a new toothbrush with a recycled handle. (Don’t even get Eddie started on recycling . . .) Where’s my award from Al Gore? And where’s my damned Bippie??? I am getting lonely . . .

  2. Your champagne is always tasty because it’s alcohol – maybe it would be tastier if you didn’t use detergent, hippy or otherwise. And you’re right, don’t get me started on recycling or Al Gore – your award from him is probably in make-believe land, where he does most of his ‘research’. And Ryan is now single, so we can work on getting you the ultimate Bippie . . .

  3. *Swoon*

  4. You’d think that the last thing they were worried about was the dog bowl – you’re putting the damn garbage can in there. I’m not sure I want to visit your place anymore, between your garbage-covered wine glasses and poo-sofa, it doesn’t sound like a relaxing time . . .

  5. Murphy’s dog dish goes on the top shelf. With all of the other bowls. They have a little party.

  6. Well A’Hottie, you’re just out to cause trouble, I’m starting to understand that now. Between your risqué dishwasher bowl placement and your blatant disregard for the danger that socks pose to humanity, you just live life on the edge.

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