Scale Conversation

I’m dieting, which means I’ve developed a new relationship with our bathroom scales – this relationship has become rocky of late:

Eddie: Good morning scales.
Scales: Good morning, Eddie – did you sleep well?
Eddie: Yes I did, thanks for asking. And you? Do you sleep?
Scales: Well, we switch off, so I guess you could say that we do. You’re looking good this morning.
Eddie: Well, let’s hope so – I guess I’ll find out when I step on you, right?
Scales: Hahaha – I guess that’s true – come on then, hop on board.
Eddie: OK, here we go, fingers crossed . . .
Scales: You are 186.0 lbs this morning.
Eddie: I’m what? That can’t be right – how do I put on 3lbs in one day?
Scales: Hey, hey, don’t shoot the messenger!
Eddie: Um. You’re not actually the messenger – you are the thing that weighs me.
Scales: Yeah, I just like the expression.
Eddie: Let me try weighing myself again.
Scales: Why would you do that, it won’t be any differ… 184.6lbs
Eddie: What??? You’re telling me that I just lost a pound and a half in 30 seconds by doing nothing?
Scales: You coughed. Or maybe you were holding your breath?
Eddie: I didn’t, and why would that matter?
Scales: Morning air can be quite heavy.
Eddie: Stop it – why do you suck so badly?
Scales: Jump back on, one last time
Eddie: This better not change again
Scales: 185.2lbs – pretty close, huh?
Eddie: No. My weight shouldn’t change so much in the space of a minute – have you been making up my weight all along to make me feel good?
Scales: Noooo. It’s just, well, I’m good to within a few pounds, and then I just make a number up.
Eddie: You have one job in life, and that’s to weigh accurately, and you suck at it.
Scales: Charming – I also have these conversations with you, try to cheer up your morning. You don’t see the toaster doing that for you
Eddie: But at least the toaster can do what it’s supposed to do – toast bread. Have you heard of Amazon.com?
Scales: Um, yes – you have a bit of an addiction there don’t you – I know, I’ve been reading your blog.
Eddie: Yes I do, and it’s going to continue today – you’re being replaced, and I’m going for one with a body fat monitor.
Scales: Whatever – those things aren’t accurate… oh, right, we’re back to that accuracy thing
Eddie: Yep. Enjoy your LONG sleep.

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~ by eddie on January 25, 2008.

16 Responses to “Scale Conversation”

  1. Which is why I don’t own a scale. Cheeky little things. Which means I have no idea if I am still on target for weight loss. Sigh.

  2. Well Enabler, I am researching scales like a madman, so I will report back with my findings. And A’Hottie – get down to the gym and jump on the scales – how can we have a competition if you refuse to weigh yourself?

  3. You mean skiing like in my sister’s new condo in Tahoe?!?

    We might be able to arrange that.

    And if you KNOW you are using the phrase incorrectly, then fixing it shouldn’t be all that hard.

  4. I’m assuming that because this is being discussed on my blog, I am invited on this skiing trip too. Despite the fact that I really don’t ski.

  5. Tsk tsk. You know we randomly change subjects whenever we feel so inclined on your blog. Such a change is not always indicative of a ski invite.

  6. Oh. OK, never mind then. I’m sure you’ll find some other bad skiers to laugh at.

  7. Well, I already feel like an unwelcome after-thought, so I’m staying home with my good choccies and alcohol.

  8. No you are not. You are staying home with your sprouted bread and soymilk. No choccies and alcohol!!!

  9. You just watch me – if you’re having fun on the slopes without me, then I’m having fun at home with naughty stuff. So There. :P

  10. You are both uninvited you jerks.

  11. Um, I was never invited, so it’s pretty hard to “uninvite” me . . . but I’m not going to call you a “jerk”, that’s just mean.

  12. Jerks eat choccies when they aren’t supposed to because they are very close to their goals. So.there.

  13. Only when they’re not invited on ski trips – not just not invited, but uninvited without being invited – that’s like a negative invitation. Some would say that is the action of a jerk. Not me, because I’m not mean.

  14. Bah to both of you.

  15. Hurrah to ski trips. Someone will teach me how to ski, right? I don’t need to be taught how to drink or eat chocolate. I might be out of practice with the chocolate, but I think that will come back pretty quickly.

  16. Beginners get lessons. Because the first few days are tough. And we will all kill each other if no lessons are to be had. For reals.

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