As (Not) Seen On TV

Yesterday I found myself in Target – oh yes, the mecca of all things wondrous. Oh, how I love you, Target. And how I love to say your name with a French ending – “Tar-jay”, even though I hate the French, for you Target, I would do anything. *ahem* . . . Anyway, I was in Target to buy a new hairdryer, as mine was starting to sound like something from a horror movie, and every time it’s used, the lights in the house dim, and the TV slows down – you know, all signs pointing to ‘replace’. So I picked up a hairdryer which looked, well, it looked like a hairdryer really, and seemed to have all the right buzz-words: “ceramic”, “ionic”, “diffuser”, “concentrator”, “motor won’t blow up the house” – you know, the comforting words of hairdryer technology.

So, hairdryer in hand, my task was complete. But of course it wasn’t . . . because Target went to the same school as Ikea, where they studied “How To Make You Buy Crap Loads More Than You Originally Came In For”. And so I wandered, and I added to my cart – because of course I really did need that travel coffee mug – srsly, I don’t have one, so I NEED one. And the sun-tan lotion had a free . . . well, it had a free suntan lotion stuck to it, so that was a MUST buy. And as I’m wandering, I turn around and see that craptacular end-of-aisle display of their “As Seen On TV” products. Yes, the products I always want to buy, but end up not buying because they’re probably crap. And yes, the same products that I then try to send subliminal messages to A’Hottie about, in the hope that she’ll buy them. And she usually does. And they are usually crappy.

And so I scanned the shelf of familiar products: the Swivel Sweeper – $35 of low-powered vacuum suction that is light and swivels, and . . . did I mention that it’s light?; the PedEgg – the ergonomically designed cheese grater, that apparently you can also use on your feet; the Smart Spin Storage System, allowing you to store 8,524 containers in a tiny carousel that just slides into your cupboard, oh the convenience; the Pancake Puffs which . . . WAIT! The what??? OK, so this is where my world started to crumble somewhat. Was there really an “As Seen On TV” product that I hadn’t seen on TV? I know that I embrace the technology that DVR offers me, and zoom through most commercials, but I’ve seen each of the others mentioned at least 100 times, but here was something that I had missed? For reals???

I left Target in a daze, a hundred dollars or so lighter in the pocket, and a little more confused about the big questions in life. What does “as seen” really mean? Why am I here? Am I really in control? And I even questioned my own existence – could it all just be . . . a pancake puff? I seriously hope not, because it looked reaaaalllly crappy.

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~ by eddie on June 27, 2008.

One Response to “As (Not) Seen On TV”

  1. How have I not seen this commercial??? You know I’m going to be channel surfing at 1am to hunt it down, and in the sheer excitement of finding it, I’ll end up buying one. Oooooh, what a perfect birthday gift for A’Hottie! And as she can no longer post comments on my blog because of her sucky IE, she can’t even protest. Yaaaaay!

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