Worst. Candy. Ever.

I am an experimental vessel for untested foods. At least, that has become my job according to A’Hottie – as I mentioned in the Twinkie post, she is quite shocked at the number of American ‘delicacies’ that I have yet to taste, and she enjoys introducing me to these joys and recording the event for posterity/humiliation.

During a session of erranding today, we were checking out in Target when her eyes lit up as she spied a strange packet of candy. Immediately, it found its way onto the checkout belt, and was purchased. This time it was something a little different – something that neither of us had tried, or even heard of. What’s more, the entire packaging was in Spanish, so we really had no idea what we were about to eat. Of course, the name “Salsagheti” gave us a clue, but didn’t provide the warning we needed.

Sometime later, as I was dropping her off at her apartment, the experiment began. Opening the packet revealed a congealed mess of red sticky string looking things – a little like a collection of worms turned inside-out. And then the surprise – there was a packet of something, that was obviously intended to be poured over the worms – some strange brown liquid gunk. So now we had our inverted worms with diarrhea sauce sitting waiting for us in their little cardboard box packaging. Of course, it was down to me to go first, and so 2 of the worms were dropped in my mouth. It was at this point that my brain registered that it was tasting something that it had never known before. A taste so foul that I instantly sensed a stomach heave coming on. I fought the heave, and managed to chew enough to eventually swallow the evil worms. There was a little more gagging, some tears, a few life flashbacks, but I was still alive.

A’Hottie instantly refused her chance to try these tasty morsels. I reminded her of the rules of such a war, and so she threw a solitary worm into her mouth; 1.5 seconds later the car door was open, and the worm was spat onto the road. The consensus was unanimous – quite simply the Worst. Candy. Ever.

Some research later, and I discovered the English version of this candy, “Salsaghetti” is described as “Hot watermelon candy straws and gusano taramind sauce” – just those words make me want to vomit. So when you see this in the candy aisle, be daring, and let your mouth witness the lowest point of taste that is humanly possible. Behold the devil candy:

Kinda makes you appreciate Twinkies more. Not that I can confirm or deny whether or not I do in fact like the twinkie. Or the deep-fried twinkie. Nope. That is the magic of ‘The Twinkie Defense’.

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~ by eddie on August 22, 2008.

4 Responses to “Worst. Candy. Ever.”

  1. Makes me long for the days of the vomit jelly bellies.

  2. Did someone say rutabega?

    No?

    Oh.

  3. Rutabega is more prevailent than you might think. I used to work in a bakery and one day was surprised to find out that the “fruit bits” that they use in hot cross and chelsea buns are in fact candied dyed RUTABEGA!
    I’m still upset, although I never liked the “fruit bits” so I feel somewhat vindicated…

  4. Ewww, really? I will add that to the many reasons why I left the UK. Ans this also explains so much about why I was never a fan of the hot cross bun. Yuck.

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