The Legendary Magical Pants, And The One Who Can Defeat Them

There is a legend about a pair of Pants, so huge and magical, that they can hold everything imaginable.  These legendary magical Pants have been known to hold small children, farmyard animals, entire wardrobes of regular pants, and even motor vehicles.  Just visualizing such contents, makes you understand just how incredibly large these Pants must be.  But of course, these are simply Pants discussed in folklore – passed down through clothing history, without any confirmed sighting.

Until now.

Yes, these magical Pants DO exsit, and as of last night, they were in Chicago.  A’Hottie and I witnessed the Pants at the Blackhawks game – saw them with our own 4 eyes (that would be 2 eyes each if you’re struggling with the math).  We told Artful and Scuba about the sighting as we were heading back home, and it was clear that there was disbelief and extreme skepticism.  Almost as though we were just making it up, because surely such Pants couldn’t really exist – as though it was some sort of joke.  Well, my friends, they do exist.

Have you been to World Market recently to buy Maltesers?  Of course you haven’t, because most people in this country just do not understand the delicacy and awesomeness of the Malteser.  But if you had been there, you would have noticed that all of the Maltesers have gone.  Where have they gone?  They are IN THE  PAAAANTS.  Yes, every Malteser in the world now resides in the Pants.  And who among us is going to delve into the Pants for some round, brown chocolatey balls?  That’s right, none of us.  You see how powerful these pants are?

But here is my fear – maybe the Pants are here to devour the city of Chicago!  The Pants are always looking for a new challenge, so maybe they are here to see if they could indeed hold an entire city.  So if Chicago disappears off the map in the next few days, you’ll know where it went.  Into the PAAAAAANTS.

But according to A’Hottie, there is a force so strong, an object so big, that it could never be contained by the Pants.  And that object is. . . my pup, Crossers.  Apparently, he has become so huge, that the Pants start to shake just at the thought of such an enormous power.  So the dilemma is, should Crossers go on a diet, so he can once again hold the title of “Most Adorable Dog In The World (in the <25lb category)”?  This could be potentially at the price of this planet losing its last hope of defeating the Pants?  What should I do???

While I decide the fate of the puppy diet, just be on the lookout for the Pants.  They are here.  And they are HUGE.

~ by eddie on November 10, 2008.

2 Responses to “The Legendary Magical Pants, And The One Who Can Defeat Them”

  1. Well, if they weren’t legendary pants, I would almost assume that it’s something the world’s largest Hadron Collider spawned (when it’s not broken…) like a black hole.

  2. I don’t think that can be ruled out, and it certainly fits in with the destruction that these Pants can cause; it’s a stretch of the imagination that there has been legendary talk of the LHC, but let’s face it, if we can’t stretch the imagination, what’s the point in using it in the first place?

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