I was taking the pups for a walk earlier’ (and by “earlier”, I mean 4 days ago, but then I thought that would make me sound as though I’m just too lazy to blog about these things, which I am, but then I figured that “earlier” isn’t actually lying because it was earlier, and you might have noticed that I put an apostrophe after “earlier” because it’s short for “earlierthisweek”.  Although this doesn’t defend me from being too lazy to blog… unless I said I was just too busy to blog, but that would definitely be a lie, because if you know me, you’d know that I’m just lazy.  Too busy lollygagging, which I’m sorry, does not sound like its definition – it just sounds like a sex game.  Which is not what I’ve been too busy doing.  I’m just lazy)…  Let me start again.

I was taking the pups for a walk earlierthisweek (I do take them out more often than once every 4 days – just needed to get that clear before you set PETA on my arse), and as soon as we walked out of the door onto the street, a young Asian lady was walking my way with a small bumblebee.  Yes, a small bumblebee on a leash.  OK, so it was obviously a dog, but I couldn’t tell what type of dog it was because it was dressed up as a bumblebee.  I had approximately 4 seconds to make a decision about what to say when the inevitable meeting of the dogs/bumblebee would stop us in our tracks, and force the dog/bumblebee owner conversation that you always have to have.  Not usually with a bumblebee owner, but this was an exception to the rule.  Let’s face it though, I had a pretty good way to start off the conversation:

Eddie: Oh, what a nice bumblebee you have…

Crazy Lady: Hahaha – thanks.  This is actually her first Halloween.

Eddie: Oh.  But. . .

Does that actually count as a conversation?  You see, at that point, even Crossers was a little freaked out, and he pulled me away from the crazy lady and her bumblebee so we could continue our walk.  But then this set in some deep confusion in the strange space that is the Eddiemind.  First, I couldn’t figure out if I’d somehow missed the fact that Halloween was already upon us, and I’d missed my chance to ridicule my own pups by dressing them up as Fraggles/pot-roasts/dinosaurs as I had done in previous years.  Next, I had no idea what date it was, or what date Halloween was – they just kept switching in my mind.  It was about at this point that I looked across the street and saw another dog that also appeared to be wearing a costume.  What Was Happening???  It didn’t help that I’d had one or twelve drinks the night before, and a tiny part of Eddiemind wondered whether I might have slept for a month.  Then I noticed that dog number 2 didn’t actually have a costume on, but had a bunch of empty plastic bags tied to it.  Or maybe that was a costume – Bizarre Walking Poop Bag.   Or Shopping Cart Dog.  Probably just a lazy owner though.

So finally I figured out that it wasn’t Halloween, and that the lady walking her bumblebee was just batshit-crazy.  Or a time-traveller who had taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.  Which is a little weird because I was just chatting to someone who’s a time-traveller.  Well, she said she was, but it’s just so hard to tell these days.  And I wasn’t really chatting, I was just commenting on her blog, but it’s kind of like chatting.  Just with massively delayed responses.  Probably while she was time travelling.

The upside of this story is that it made me think that I should really start considering how I could torture my own pups with a Halloween costume this year.  And also if it might actually be acceptable to force them to wear it for a few weeks either side of Halloween.  You know, just to mess with people who had a few beers the night before.

Or to mess with time-travellers.


~ by eddie on September 28, 2010.

6 Responses to “Hallowhen?”

  1. I think grey dog should be Jaws for Halloween. Seems fitting on a number of levels!

  2. i totally followed this post (in a hungover way) and have to say it’s my favorite to date

  3. I think a Halloween fortnight is a great idea.

  4. So, having just returned from the future, I have to say what you are going to do to your dogs three days after Halloween is just…appalling.

  5. Well, it sounds like a unanimous decision to humiliate the dogs for more than just one day. Appealing, indeed.

  6. OMG how do we not already have Halloween fortnight??? We must get on this, stat.

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