BREAKING NEWS: Chicago Not Destroyed By Crappy Storm

There’s not a lot that gets me excited.  Hmmm, that’s a lie.  There is quite a lot that gets me excited, and one of the few thousand things happens to be a damn good storm.  So you can imagine my level of excitement yesterday when I read these headlines:

Storm To Be Among Worst in 70 Years

and

Great Lakes Cyclone To Strike Chicago Tuesday

I mean, I think you can picture the excited dance that I was doing after reading this, and then last night I was discussing this historic occasion with friends who also love storms – so much excitement!  Should I take the day off?  Should I sit in the middle of Lake Michigan to feel the full force?  Should I somehow chronicle this monumental event in American history???  So many questions, so many decisions.  So. Much. Storm!!!

And then this morning happened.

The sky was grey.  There was rain.  A little lightning.  Then the colour of the sky turned a little ‘odd’.

And now it’s sunny.

Really, Mother Nature?  THAT’S the worst storm in 70 years?  I was expecting to see at least one horseman of the apocalypse, possibly fighting a unicorn that was in the middle of her mime-killing spree… I was promised major destruction – I thought that Michael Bay could come back and film more Transformers amongst REAL debris of Chicago buildings, and there would be tidal waves, and tsunamis, and we’d have to run to the hills, of which there really aren’t any, and I was promised tornadoes ripping through the streets of downtown Chicago, hurling tourists into a vexation of zombies, and cows and Helen Hunts would be flying through office windows, old ladies in rocking chairs spinning around while doing their knitting, a coven of wicked witches on broomsticks, people rowing their boats in the air…  and munchkins!

I. Was. Promised. Munchkins.

But I didn’t get any of that.

Storm?  Storm???  I could fart a better storm than that.

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~ by eddie on October 26, 2010.

4 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: Chicago Not Destroyed By Crappy Storm”

  1. I concur. I happen to remember a storm that was much worse, involved tornado sirens, a green sky, and me and Anonymous Murph sitting in the guest bathroom tub because that was the furthest spot from my floor-ceiling windows. This? This was nothing.

  2. I remember that one too. I was afraid that my 20ft windows were going to break. And you intelligently ignored my idea of coming over to my place to avoid being killed in a bathtub, because you would have been hit by the tornadoes on the way across. And the next day I laughed when the old lady blew over in the wind at the old people’s home. THAT was a fun storm.

  3. I mean seriously, last night’s storm didn’t even knock out the satellite. Pshaw.

  4. Also worse was the storm a few months ago when Eddie was in Rhode Island, and despite being evacuated to the stairwells at work and seeing alarms go off all over the city, I risked my life to visit Eddie’s upstairs neighbor and watch the NHL Awards show… which would have been more worthwhile if Li’l Steve had come home with the Calder…

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