My keyboard doesn’t have a ‘y’ key.
Just a gaping hole between ‘t’ and ‘u’. The loss of ‘y’ was the fault of one of the puppies who decided it would be fun to jump on the keyboard. This was well over a year ago. I also don’t have an ‘F10’ key, but I don’t really miss that one too much – what does it even do? I’m sure it has a fun function shortcut to something, but I don’t really care. Back to the ‘y’ key.
When I first lost it, I could do the whole pressing the rubber thingy that sits below where the key used to be kind of thing, but eventually that stopped working too. And I was left y-less. Now those of you who know me or have read my blog, would know that I already have somewhat of an aversion towards the letter ‘y’ and maybe wondering why I even need one. Well, when the ‘y’ isn’t being ‘lazie’, it is still a useful letter to have on the keyboard. (And as a sidenote, I had to stop doing the ‘-ie’ replacements after I found them scattered across documents that I was writing at work. My boss really didn’t want to hear my thoughts on the lazy ‘y’.)
So, I came up with a cunning plan: find a ‘y’ on a webpage, and utilize a little ‘copy and paste’. So CTRL+V became my new ‘y’. This worked for a while, but of course in our daily lives, we copy and paste all sorts of lovely links, and sections of documents, which in turn lose my ‘y’. And most of the time I forget this. So when I’m chatting online to someone, I look up to see that I have sent something like this:
“Do https://eddiefication.wordpress.comou want to see how funnhttps://eddiefication.wordpress.com it is when cophttps://eddiefication.wordpress.com and paste goes horriblhttps://eddiefication.wordpress.com wrong while plahttps://eddiefication.wordpress.coming with the letter https://eddiefication.wordpress.com”
Now, this can be quite funny, and also quite embarrassing, depending on the last thing that I decided to copy. Or I can end up pasting videos to people inside a Facebook message, that have nothing to do with the message I was sending. I tend to leave them in there anyway – maybe the recipient will find it informative. But it doesn’t end there. There are times when I paste something other than a ‘y’, and I can’t quickly get to a ‘y’ to copy to replace it, so I start changing what it is I wanted to write, purely based on using words that don’t contain a ‘y’. This has become my life.
Next comes the most difficult part of the whole ‘y’-less lifestyle. The uppercase ‘y’ – the… hang on a sec… the ‘Y’. That guy is a bugger to find – he is rarely just sitting around on your average webpage, so you have to hunt. Of course, this produced another cunning plan: whenever I need a ‘Y’, I go to Yemen. Not literally – I don’t actually pack my bags and fly to Yemen. That would be incredibly odd. No, I Google ‘yemen’, and it takes me nicely to a list of websites that are guaranteed to have an uppercase ‘Y’. Perfect! I mainly started off with Wikipedia, but recently I’ve been hitting more and more sites about Yemen. And you get to learn a lot while doing this. Did you know that 18% of their population live on under $1.25/day? McDonald’s must be so inexpensive there! And 95% of the species of snails that live on the Socotra Archipelago in Yemen, do not exist anywhere else in the world. Snails!
So I know a lot about Yemen. Actually, that’s a lie, I know very little. Mainly I know about snails and inexpensive McDonalds. And the McDonald’s thing may not even be true. They may only have Burger King. The biggest problem came when, just a few weeks back, I remembered that Yemen is, of course, somewhat of a terrorist breeding ground. And the CIA probably keeps tabs on who is talking about Yemen a lot on the interwebs. And I have Googled Yemen at least 1000 times in the past year. And clicked through links to find out more about the snails of Yemen, and other fun facts. About terrorists. So if I go on another 18-month hiatus, keep it in the back of your mind that I might, in fact, have been arrested. Or I might have taken a vacation to visit the snails.